I have not been myself for the past few days ... and this evening i thought i am recovered .. but i am not! I painted my nails, thinking i will feel better, had a chat wt the girls, painted their nails just to make them feel better ... but who's taking care of me?
I now realize how much i miss being home, how much i miss friends who call to say hello and check i am ok, that insist when it comes to details ... I miss that so much!!! I feel lonely although i have met a lot of people here and i socialized a lot ... but it is all so different! It is just a surface, as it is not quite "quality interaction", but more of "forced interaction" as i call it. I bump into people everywhere, so i cant really avoid them .. i have to chat with them and they have to chat with me ...
I do miss Romania and Romanians .. people i can be myself around and not having to think twice before i do or say something (which i kind of started doing here in the past week); it is not until you leave your culture and environment that you realize how different you are and what a pain in the ass you can be for the people around you ... who dont really understand you.
I got a bit upset the other day, thinking that everybody around me is so different and so American/British and i thought i should change, coz i am a circle that doesnt fit in their square shape; but then i thought: hold on a minute, why should i change?? We are all foreigners in a country that is not ours; why should i give up my culture and my individuality for one that is not mine, and more important, not of the country i live in?
I already speak a language that is not my native language, so that is a compromise for me; why should i compromise more? Dont think i am willing to do that! I feel i am getting a bit stubborn now and maybe inflexible ... but this is how i feel.
I have lived abroad before, but never encountered such struggles. I was even in an environment with more cultures than here, but i havent felt, not even a single time, that i had to abandon my culture or be someone i am not!
I admit, i am not perfect, but nobody is!!! I admit there are things about me that i dont like either ... i admit i can be very annoying to certain people ... i admit there are people who might not like me (not at home!!! i know u love me, guys!!! LOL) ... i admit i am not the smartest person (although i tend to think that my way of doing things is the best way - that is why i tend to take full responsability of things and i dont delegate);
BUT i know who i am, i know my identity, i know where i belong, whom i belong to ... and in the end, i should care less about my culture and my country because my citizenship is somewhere else!
I like to say i am from everywhere! I could say i am from Romania, but i dont feel my home is there; in the past 6 yrs my home was wherever i was, in whatever country/city i was in; i was like a snail - carrying her house with her, but i do know where my real home is.
Where is yours?
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